Change of perspective.
On whose part?
Both of us. I guess. I, myself, have learned to silence the inner critic. It took awhile, as you know, but it seems to have helped with current affairs.
Is this the same critic who constantly searches for someone else to blame?
No. This is the collective conscious that pushed out all the things I cannot change, to focus on those which I can. The family. Friends. Work. Writing.
How is that going for you, the writing?
Stagnant. I am trying to learn from my past mistakes, which was to go headlong into a project and lose faith in it or myself midway. Now, I write when I feel it. I write when I have something to say, and avoid writing to be be writing.
Goes against the grain of the process, doesn't?
I figure, since I constant go against the grain on most things, I might as well apply it to my writing also.
To finish one thing at a time?
To just finish...something. The last effort failed grossly with my expectations, but doesn't most first timers fail in this story-making?
I would not know.
Me neither.
Anything you want to share, outside your writing?
I'm trying to stay positive. No need to shift when I am doing so well with the current mindset.
Then this place becomes pointless in a sense, does it not?
You know, it's true what they say about you, being a shit-stirrer and all.
It's not fair to exclude yourself from your own shit-stirring. So, is there anything on your mind?
Thanksgiving. I have been thinking about that a lot, not having a traditional meal with family or friends. I am so fucking tired of going at this alone. Here I am with a beautiful and loving little girl, and my family continue to walk a path of indifference. If there was a time to change, it is now. And not just me, but my brother as well with his little girl. I get not having a unified family to rely on, but one would think the extensions of that tree might find a way to keep tradition alive.
Why don't you make the first move and invite him over?
Because I know the outcome. My brother thinks only about himself. He is the type who will say, sure, I am game, if others come to him. Then, it's on his terms. Showing up late. Saying one thing and doing another. It's just too stressful, when I am trying to relax.
So no plans for Turkey Day?
K is going to make a little dinner. Her new friend is coming over and there will be wine.
Oh, good. Wine makes things better when done in moderation.
I guess.
Can I ask you something?
No.
Are you happy?
You missed that last reply, huh.
Are you?
Not as much as I would like to be. But I am making progress.
And now for the hard part. Do you want to be here, with her?
Very much so. I do not have to think too long and hard about the woman I have given over a decade of my life to be with. We are very different people who have managed to find something that bonds us, even if we are not certain to what that bonding is. I love K and I cannot think of another woman I'd rather be with, at this point in my life. She is hard. She is crazy in a sense. But she is also special, with much to offer me if I can just crack that outer shell.
If...
Yes, if.
And if not?
I'll die trying.
Good answer.
Is it?
I suppose time will tell, sir.
Good answer.
