MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE BLOG, WHO'S THE MOST DARING OF THEM ALL?
I am a husband. I am a father. I am an example, perhaps a collection of shining examples, of what and what not to do. Nonetheless, I am still here. And today I made another decision. This one, however, was made without pressure or outside distractions. This one was made on shear will and determination, as a man and architect of my own existence, to not prove anything to anyone, including myself, but to take what is rightfully mine, beginning with my immediate family. Beginning with understanding me, to solidify to myself that I am not insane or clinically fucked in the head in any respect. As the background and title of this blog, hopefully, dictate. I may very well be lost within my own fantasy.
Today I embark down the road of parenthood, to start anew with the second and final addition to the family I have so valiantly fought for. A conscious choice that did not involved having to satisfy a woman's maternal need, a crutch to patch up my shitty marriage, a payment for having made a woman leave her homeland and move continent's for the sake of her heart, or to fulfill some kind of human genetic means for whatever mindless fucking indulgence people with kids seem to enjoy. Personally, not sleeping worth a damn for the next twenty or so years has never been a selling point for me. Without having to go back and explain how I got here, lets just say this choice was made to hammer out that missing notch in my belt of the American Dream. And like any dream, there is always that possibility of wetting the bed or having the worse nightmare of your life.
And you know what kinds of scary things lurk in this dream, don't you? She is 36 and overweight, stressed to the point of her hair falling out, skating along recklessly in her marriage and blind to the fact her heart is just not in it anymore. Combined, you are faced with the potential of a Down Syndrome baby, maybe even miscarrying and you know how unstable she gets when watching those infomercials about starving children in Africa. No pressure though. It only gets worse the longer you wait. Goddamn it! Why didn't you listen? Where is the fucking return in this decade long investment of yours? I don't know. It's getting late and you have a big day at work tomorrow...
Oh, one last thing, before you go, you are grossly behind on that novel you've been promising your wife you would write for the past eight years...maybe you should consider waking from one dream, before getting all involved with another.
Maybe you should go to hell!
As a guy I follow on Twitter says "Though I live in the trap I'm not trapped by the trap..." ~ @Conscious
ReplyDeleteThe secret, nobody I know in my life outside of the computer can ever read this blog?
ReplyDeleteInteresting...
Having never been married, I don't know what to say, except that my parents failed miserably so you probably shouldn't follow their example.
Dude, you are a mess.
ReplyDeleteBuy your daughter her own "big bed" and tell her it's a special bed for big girls only. That might help alleviate one problem, anyway.
You know, I hear this same story from guys all the time these days. They're married to these women who are cold, cruel, and just...completely unfair. And yet these guys act like that's just the way the world is, or something to the effect of, "Well, you know how women are *a-derp* *a-derp*" They plan all the vacations. They buy all the right gifts. They do all the the proper, typical, husband shit. They try to be a good, decent, man. Then I hear them complain that their wife won't fuck them, and that they have to eat their meals over the sink on paper plates. It's sad. I wouldn't spent five minutes in a marriage like that.
ReplyDeleteSee, women left that whole Donna Reed/Holly Homemaker paradigm in the dust a long, long time ago. And yet, there's a lot of guys out there who think they still have to play the counterpart to that role. It's like they're clinging to some ideal of marriage that went out with the Cleavers. It was one thing to put your wife on a pedestal back when she would bring you your pipe and slippers at the end of a hard day. Hell, that was the least you could do. But when guys act like that with these SHREWS that they're married to, who treat them with disgust, who mock everything they do, and who blame them for everything...it's just sick. And it's got to stop. These guys are enabling practically a whole generation of women who are too liberated to wait on a man hand and foot, and yet aren't independent enough to have the slightest sense of responsibility. They end up acting like demanding children who give nothing back.
And it doesn't have to be that way. Look at Chanel. When she talks about her Padawan, it's with genuine affection. She's proud of him. She's proud to be with them. They have their squabbles but for the most part they seem, as far as I can tell, to be what a modern couple ought to be: partners on an equal-footing; the occasional sweet and simple gesture sincerely given and reciprocated in return. That's how it should be. That's how it HAS to be, if there's any hope of it working. It's not eeking out a life with the Queen of Bitchery as her rumbles and roars shake the very foundations of the house, while the long-suffering husband hides out in the garage and consoles himself with worn-out notions like "But she's the mother of my child." FUCK THAT! You are the father of your child, and you deserve every bit as much respect for that as she does. That shouldn't be an excuse you use for why you put up with her bullshit day after day and year after year.
Alright, I'm gonna wait and see where you going with this, but I truly hope this doesn't turn out to be "The Secret Blog Where Scott Moans About His Marriage and Never Does Anything About It."
Sorry to be blunt with you buddy, but sometimes you gotta tell it like is.
Alright, I may have been a bit harsh with that last comment. I admit. Every relationship is different, with its own unique set of issue, and I shouldn't generalize so carelessly...especially when I really don't know the whole situation. It's just that, quite frankly, from what you've said about your marriage and what I've seen of your interaction with you wife on FB, she seems like the sort of woman that would just as soon throw your nuts in a juicer if she was fresh out of oranges.
ReplyDeleteBut I freely admit that I could be wrong. She might be a very lovely person.
One questions if the addition of another child was a well-thought out decision. It is rare that the addition of a child to an already stressed situation ever does anything to improve the situation.
ReplyDeleteAs far as lack of sleep goes.... I feel your pain. I'm living it. But it's a package deal. If you value the sleep more, don't have the kid. I certainly hope said child never reads this.