Judging by the look on your face and the pink flesh tone around your cheeks and the jumping eyelid, I'd speculate you have had a stellar day. A real five star motherfucking day, doc. Speaking of motherfucking, how are things going on baby number 2? My daughter referred to her hand this evening in the bath as "sister". I told her she should probably think of a name for sister as that is the only likely tangible sibling she will have at this rate. "Gentlemen, I present you...The Titanic!" Mocking me now are we? I figure a little humor is needed from time to time. You want to tell me about this "Five star" day of yours then? Started off at four thirty in the fucking morning! Wife caught the bug my daughter seems to keep around, for those days when a little room is found to commit to matrimonial glue, sucking the life out of my wife, who dedicates every waking moment to her, only to crash hard herself; Wakes me up with the loudest, most terrifying snore I ever heard. It was like I rolled to the side and fell into a portal that warped me inside the cave of an angry grizzly bear, deeply hibernating and dreaming about being attacked by rabid swine! I woke her several times asking if she could please choke that fucking Hemi motor caught in her nasal passage so I could sleep, which did no good at all. "I'm sick, I cannot help it." No, you're fat and can help it had you any self respect for yourself and others! Sensing some hostility. So I say, "Fuck it." and get up to shower and work on impregnating the shower, when I step out to silence. The whole bedroom was peaceful and still. So I lay back down to try and catch a few more z's when, the moment I slip off, SNORRRREEEE!!! Timing is a little off. I'll say. I get up and get out of the house to leave for work as quickly as possible. Look, you don't understand- Help me try. -If it's not my wife snoring, it's our daughter in the bed with us, driving her feet into the small of my back, rolling into my side to the point I flinch in my sleep to, "Ouch! Daddy Hit me!" I wake up, panicked that I just hooked my daughter in the jaw, clutching at my chest in case a stroke looms, only to see her slip back into la-la land. I have not slept soundly in nearly three years. And you know what flicks my taint the most? I cannot say anything. NOTHING.
So you are work bound and tired- Fuck that! I am not just tired. I am stressed out of my goddamn mind! Have you any idea how disrespectful and insulting it is to have my wife listen to me explain how I have to juggle a department of 6 people, doing the work of 12, listening to them bitch and moan about the amount of work they have to do, meet deadlines on end of month reports with half ass spreadsheet that never pull all the data needed, while trying not to tell a customer, "I do not fucking care how long it took a repair for your machine, nor does it give you the right to cuss me like I am responsible for the shitty repair a non-English speaking Mexican did to your Japanese computer!"? AND come home instantly to a bratty child who wants me to play "horsey" with her the second I come in, AND not even hear my wife say hello or kiss me or jerk me off in a corner in the kitchen or SOMETHING! I get, "Can you mow the lawn again? I want to go out in the backyard and need you to pick up dog shit, wash the porch, mow the lawn please. Also, tomorrow, I am going to my shrink for much of the morning, then we are going to an all Polish Easter thing at church (Because suddenly she likes traditions!) then when we get home I need you to clean the carpets, mow the front lawn, take my car to get fixed, and watch our daughter while I recoup from this sickness. JUST SO I CAN go back to work on Monday refreshed. Sensing sarcasm at the end there. To sum up your day, you went to work tired and cranky, got hit with a ton of things as a manager, got dissed by the wife when you came home, because she thinks your job is easy and (try working my job AND being a mother routine) asked to do more work, forgetting that her snoring woke you 3 hours earlier than usual? You sound like my wife. There is much more to it than that.
When is the last time you made love to your wife? three weeks ago today. Look, you think I enjoy saying shit like impregnating the shower? Yes, it's funny but I have to say these things to keep from...Yes? Whatever. All I know the more this curtain of bullshit is lifted, the more I can see that my wife is to destroy me. I love you too, honey. What else am I supposed to think? Let me bullet point it for you.
- No sex
- trying to have another child (see above)
- trying to build on the little remaining love (see aboves)
Pros
- Sex
- Complete family circle
- Not heaving sex often enough
- wife is 37
- wife is overweight
- wife has high uterus (which makes getting pregnant more difficult)
- Higher risk of defected babies (fuck you, I do not want retarded children.)
- wife is always tired (because all of her energy goes into being a mommy)
- baby always sick, when she is not sick the wife is. (outcome. See bullet one)
- wife growing more distant from me.
- I am growing more distant form wife
- wife needs to lose weight to have easier pregnancy
- wife not losing weight. (see aboves)
- sex drive is drying up (for us both)
- not getting that old, but feel THAT old
Goodnight you. I am still pulling for you to right the ship. Even though it has already sank? Maybe you can tread water, in case someone is out there...searching for you...if you know what I mean.
"Speaking of motherfucking..." A class act as always, Mr. Scott ;D
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